I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i think my cat just said my name.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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