It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
