I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
