areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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