this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
