we have pet lesbian snakes
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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