Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
