I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
