I must be too annoying 4 u.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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