I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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