We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
