All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
