tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
