Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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