Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
