so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
