On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
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She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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