yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think I just shit out all my problems.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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