I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
