the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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