so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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