I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
