if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
