I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
