we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
