i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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