My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
well you can't waste a boner
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
