he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
