I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
