she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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