do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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