i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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