My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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