i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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