I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
