dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
