The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
