how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
