i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
