I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
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i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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