remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
