i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
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