You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize