I wish I could punch you in the face.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize