If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
