I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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