I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
