i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
