i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
