come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize