The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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