drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
even my farts smell like vagina
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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