I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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