That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
