I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Everyone says I win the strip club
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
