my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
