If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize