if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
