If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
